ad hoc MOM

In Brooklyn these past few days, Spring has Sprung. It's glorious. No more struggling a screaming, jelly-legged toddler into 5 layers of clothing, by which the fourth layer they have pooped and are in need of a serious diaper change so you have start all over. And no more forced in-house playdates where the children are so stir-crazy they dismantle a 2-bedroom apartment in 15 minutes flat -- right down to the foundation.

No, today, was beautiful and everyone ran as fast as they could to the playground, where the children, so hopped up on Vitamin D, dug happily in the sandbox and few altercations were had. Why am I telling you this? Well, because I used to think I was laid back (ok, a neurotic sort of easy breezy) able to face any situation with relative ease. But today I was like Jessica Simpson taking the MENSA exam. I was freaked! I had forgotten what it was like to talk casually with random, lovely strangers while at the slide or the swings; to chase after my son as he screams with delight on the jungle gym; and to watch him cavort happily in a sea of other kids.

I sat there at the sandbox, trying to remember the first syllables of my own name, while my son proceeded to cover himself completely in sand. (As long as he's not maiming anyone, I'm good) Realizing that there are really 2 moms we all have to be: The Summer and Spring Mom: sporting a relaxed grin, ready with easy conversation for the folks at the water fountain and the sandbox, and prepared with 10 gallons of juice and water for the spastic kid that basically just ran the equivalent of the10K in 2 minutes. Then there's the Fall and Winter Mom: she's darker, more cynical (she knows what's coming when that first day of freezing weather hits), she grumbles to herself as she pushes a crazy heavy stroller through 2 feet of snow or walks a freezing preschooler home while only wearing one glove and no hat, because she lost them when she was trying to retrieve the precious scarf her kid just threw across the street. And she and all her mom friends take turns allowing their houses to be destroyed on a regular basis by 20 wild 2 year olds because the fragmented conversation she has with her friends, even though it never really has a conclusion or a point since it's constantly interrupted with "mommommommommommommommom," is the only thing that keeps her sanity in tact. That mom, she's a ticking time bomb. 

Anyway, apparently I don't transition easily from Fall/Winter Mom to Spring/Summer mom. I guess I have a dethawing period because mumbling, grumpy winter mom does NOT make many friends at the spring sandbox. And I just can't seem to stop; it's become such a habit. I feel like I need to go to some 10 week course on how to get that other woman I was last spring and summer back and some how let loose of all of these negative behaviors I've gathered this winter. I guess like quitting smoking or caffeine one just has to do it one day at a time, a little at a time. So tomorrow I'll be at the sandbox and the slide and I'll see if I can't smile at least once and perhaps not have a conversation with myself for at least 5 minutes.