I used to watch the RH of NJ, I found it entertaining or rather I should say I found most of it enjoyable. Quite frankly, though, these days, I’m over Danielle. I fast forward during any segment she’s in. The bitch is crazy and that crazy doesn’t seem to be evolving into funny or going away so really now it’s just a show that follows a really sick person and gives her encouragement for her ridiculous behavior, this includes her skeletal crew of zombies she’s got egging her on. I...

If June wants to be a U.S. Senator, she’s getting a lot of practice in the art of bribery this week.  I’m sorry, but I’ve lost my will to go to the playground (seriously, it’s been like 9 million degrees for a month, I look like a 78 year old snow bird), and I have this looming deadline I have little chance of meeting if I don’t carve out a little extra work time.  So, I fear I’m resorting to bribery way more than I normally do, and it’s only Wednesday.  Popular bribes this...

Recently 3 of our very good friends had babies (Congrats Carrie, Erin and Jess!) and it got me to thinking about how they’ve been thrown back into that dog-eat-dog world that is Mommy-and-me. So I decided to put together a little something for them to hand out as a way of making this next experience a little easier.

At my first Mommy-and-Me get together I discussed the possibility of contracting anal syphilis while giving birth this is a very effective way to dismiss those women who are...

Tonya and I really try to get our blog posts up the night before.  I guess we like to think that someone somewhere might actually go to our site in the morning and expect that there be something new and wish to read it.  Today I am late.  I just couldn’t get it together.  I didn’t have any ideas.  NOTHING.  I was pretty sure I was going to have to call Tonya in a few minutes and sheepishly beg to borrow her brain for the day.  I was a blog failure.  But even worse, these...

I have these insane headaches and I don’t think they’re just caused by my husband. Given my propensity to run to the drug company every time I have a tiny problem I decided perhaps in this instance I would try something a bit different. Mostly because god knows what kind of crazy side effects a migraine med will give me when it interacts with all the other pills in my system. I could, like, lose all function in my left leg or perhaps one eye shuts permanently or, the worst, anal...

People wonder how it is that I wrote 14 unpublished books over the course of 20 years and didn’t give up.  I hear mostly from mothers in this regard.  Mothers who are balancing careers.  How do we get the kids to school on time and try to maintain some level of physical health, never mind regain the body we had BEFORE the kids came, create some level of parking lot social life with the other mothers, inevitably holding homemade vegan cupcakes for their child’s classroom...

Mirror Mirror on the Wall

Who’s the fairest of them All?



Most days my mirror says it’s me. Ok, maybe not the “fairest of them all” but it usually responds with “Eh, you look as good as possible, perhaps even attractive… maybe. Well…you’re clean so that’s a plus.”

And then I believe it and actually go out in public.

Getting ready to leave though goes a little something like this:

Turn on green, fluorescent light in coffin-sized space that also holds shower and...

I have wonderful childhood memories of my grandparents.  There was always a full supply of miniature candy bars, potato chips, crackerjack and cold Pepsi.  They had the warmest most comforting house and I had the feeling that all was right with the world every time I walked through the front door.  And since I grew up just a few blocks away, that was quite often.  I had lots of cousins and aunts and uncles who lived close by too, so it wasn’t unusual for a quick visit to grandmas to...

You know how when one of your bestest friends is about to get married and she asks you to do a reading at her wedding, you want to look like perfection personified but you’ve procrastinated finding a dress, shaving, nail care, waxing, etc, so the night before you have to go to the wedding you try and do all of those things, leaving the waxing of your lip and eyebrows until the very end, at say, 1 am and you have to be up at 7?  Yea, like that.

Well, at around 1:30 I had just pulled the...

Is that really appropriate for your child? A woman asked me as she walked by on the sidewalk.

 

I had to wonder:

Am I wearing a helmet?

Drooling on myself?

Letting my son run with scissors?

Is he licking subway poles?

Not that I know of…unless of course I’ve been drinking but that usually ends with me being anti-social so then we wouldn’t be out in public for him to do those things now would we? I just love it when strangers question my mothering!

What was I doing?

Trying to...